Words in the Garden
Hey, it's Madeline.
And I love to write.What I write might not make sense. But yet here I come. Every time.
It's like a gift that keeps giving. Til' I delete it of course. Ha.
I feel like my words and thoughts are like flowers from the garden. They are so meaningful, until they wither and go out of season. I grow and learn, and suddenly my old words get replaced with new ones.
It doesn't bother me. It just means I'm alive and learning.Words and writing were a source of comfort when I was little. I didn't know how to ask for comfort during the unsettling times of my childhood. So many times I would write or draw instead.
Just get it out of my head and make it real. Something physical I can see. Made me feel less crazy that way.
And here I am. Still seeking that same comfort.
Of course, what I used to write as a child confused a lot of people. Sometimes I wrote wonderful things. And sometimes I wrote the kind of stuff you never show anybody. When my words hurt others, it's because I was hurting inside.
I was definitely hurting inside.
And to no surprise, my words still confuse a lot of people.Some ask me to keep writing. Some ask me to quiet down a bit. I'm not sure which I'm going to do yet. I'll keep writing until I decide.
I still am trying to heal from the pains I experienced as a child. I think most experience heartache of some sort when they are little. Mine felt especially heavy. And quiet. All my public words are now making up for that I think.
Will I ever completely heal from it? I can't say for certain.
But I can say that I am trying. I'm trying to see the world with compassionate eyes. I'm working on extending the same love and grace to others around me that I know I wish I could have for myself.
I know that I cannot love anyone more than I can love myself. I cannot forgive anyone more than I can forgive myself. It all has to stem from within me.I cannot extend what I do not have.
I know I will get there. One season of words at a time. One stage of growth at a time.
Will you enjoy this season with me?
My Journey of a Thousand Names