Words in the Garden

 


Hey, it's Madeline.

And I love to write.What I write might not make sense. But yet here I come. Every time. 

It's like a gift that keeps giving. Til' I delete it of course. Ha. 


I feel like my words and thoughts are like flowers from the garden. They are so meaningful, until they wither and go out of season. I grow and learn, and suddenly my old words get replaced with new ones.

It doesn't bother me. It just means I'm alive and learning.

Words and writing were a source of comfort when I was little. I didn't know how to ask for comfort during the unsettling times of my childhood. So many times I would write or draw instead.

Just get it out of my head and make it real. Something physical I can see. Made me feel less crazy that way.

And here I am. Still seeking that same comfort.


Of course, what I used to write as a child confused a lot of people. Sometimes I wrote wonderful things. And sometimes I wrote the kind of stuff you never show anybody. When my words hurt others, it's because I was hurting inside.

I was definitely hurting inside.

And to no surprise, my words still confuse a lot of people. 

Some ask me to keep writing. Some ask me to quiet down a bit. I'm not sure which I'm going to do yet. I'll keep writing until I decide.


I still am trying to heal from the pains I experienced as a child. I think most experience heartache of some sort when they are little. Mine felt especially heavy. And quiet. All my public words are now making up for that I think.

Will I ever completely heal from it? I can't say for certain.

But I can say that I am trying. I'm trying to see the world with compassionate eyes. I'm working on extending the same love and grace to others around me that I know I wish I could have for myself.

I know that I cannot love anyone more than I can love myself. I cannot forgive anyone more than I can forgive myself. It all has to stem from within me. 

I cannot extend what I do not have.


I know I will get there. One season of words at a time. One stage of growth at a time.

Will you enjoy this season with me?

Sincerely,
Me

Up next:

My Journey of a Thousand Names



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