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Carry On

  It's been a while since I've hit the publish button. And that's okay.  But I feel like I have some things to say, and so here I am, writing a few lines- preparing to hit the publish button this time.  I haven't really talked about my mental health lately. But being open about it really is a healing thing. When I'm open with others, it literally opens my heart to the encouragement and support provided afterwards. Sure, some judge, but that is more rare. Sharing is worth the risk. Vulnerability is too.  I'm filled with overwhelming emotion, being reunited with my children. We've been mostly separated since February 2020 due to two factors: my mental health and the sale of our house in Lexington. Jed (my ex) and the children moved to San Antonio in February to have the help and support of his family, and I stayed behind to continue working with my psychiatrist to find the right medicine while prepping the house to be placed on the market. The goal was to mo

What's all the buzz about?

I’m sure most of you have noticed by now I buzzed my hair! It’s super fuzzy and I love how it feels and looks.

Buzzing my hair was an exercise and a symbol for me. I need strength and bravery in this time of my life.

All the energy and focus that went to my hair is now being channeled to my intellect instead. When I look in the mirror, I see my head which holds my mind. And it reminds me:

how can I “style my mind” today? Because, I don’t have to style my hair anymore.

Instead, I am strengthening and making my mind a healthier place.

My mental health deserves my time and attention. Following the advice of my doctors and therapist and taking the medicine they have prescribed has allowed me to improve to the point where I can walk, talk, and focus again. I can even play and write music again!

This past week is the first in months that I have been able to write in a planner and complete tasks on a to-do list. And you know what that means?

That means I can have a goal, a vision, and actually take steps towards it. Literally and figuratively.

And that means that I can envision a better future for my family and work towards that goal, step by step (no matter what my hair looks like 😉).

Some of my goals for my physical health are gaining weight by eating calorie dense nutritious foods, gaining the stamina and stability to leave the house without needing a wheelchair.

Some of my mental health goals are regaining my ability to do simple mental math, being able to focus to complete a routine or task-list multiple days in a row, regain my ability to speak without repeating or slurring words, stopping mid-sentence, and I think with practice my speech will return to a normal speed. Fingers crossed on that one.

Some of my emotional health goals are socializing with people more, especially my friends and family. I’ve isolated myself out of shame, to hide my symptoms. I didn’t want people to see me this way. But I can’t do that anymore if I want to have a life worth living. Besides, I’m doing better and feel acceptable again. And everyone I’ve been honest with about my condition has only expressed love, healthy concern, and encouragement to me. And that helps me feel even stronger.

Thanks for being here with me. Much love to you.